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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Cook
Cake
Cooks
Husband
Tell
Make
Hooker
Delicious

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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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