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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Cooks
Husband
Tell
Make
Hooker
Delicious
Cook
Cake

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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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