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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Make
Hooker
Delicious
Cook
Cake
Cooks
Husband
Tell

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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
Joan Rivers