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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Delicious
Cook
Cake
Cooks
Husband
Tell
Make
Hooker
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
Joan Rivers
They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
Joan Rivers
old age' is always ten years more than we are.
Joan Rivers
Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan Rivers
I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
Joan Rivers
My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
Joan Rivers
I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
Joan Rivers
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
Joan Rivers
Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers
I hate reality shows that are not reality.
Joan Rivers
Never floss a stranger.
Joan Rivers
Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
Joan Rivers
Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
Joan Rivers
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
Joan Rivers
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Joan Rivers
You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
Joan Rivers
Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
Joan Rivers
In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
Joan Rivers
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers
Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
Joan Rivers
