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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Make
Hooker
Delicious
Cook
Cake
Cooks
Husband
Tell

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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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