Quote

Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

Joan Rivers

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Husband
Tell
Make
Hooker
Delicious
Cook
Cake
Cooks

More quotes by Joan Rivers

Image
Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
Joan Rivers
Image
You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
Joan Rivers
Image
All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
Joan Rivers
Image
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
Joan Rivers
Image
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
Joan Rivers
Image
Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Joan Rivers
Image
I’m never without a bandage.
Joan Rivers
Image
I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
Joan Rivers
Image
The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
Joan Rivers
Image
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers
Image
The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
Joan Rivers
Image
Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
Joan Rivers
Image
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
Joan Rivers
Image
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Joan Rivers
Image
Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
Joan Rivers
Image
On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
Joan Rivers
Image
Never floss a stranger.
Joan Rivers
Image
I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
Joan Rivers
Image
Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
Joan Rivers
Image
To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
Joan Rivers