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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Red
Dresses
Elizabeth
London
Taylor
Whenever
Passengers
Went
Board
Trying
Boards
Would
Fats
Dress
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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Better laid than never.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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