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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Trying
Boards
Would
Fats
Dress
Red
Dresses
Elizabeth
London
Taylor
Whenever
Passengers
Went
Board

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
Joan Rivers