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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Went
Board
Trying
Boards
Would
Fats
Dress
Red
Dresses
Elizabeth
London
Taylor
Whenever
Passengers
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers
Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
Joan Rivers
I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers
