Quote

Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.

Joan Rivers

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Trying
Boards
Would
Fats
Dress
Red
Dresses
Elizabeth
London
Taylor
Whenever
Passengers
Went
Board

More quotes by Joan Rivers

Image
I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
Joan Rivers
Image
Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
Joan Rivers
Image
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Joan Rivers
Image
I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
Joan Rivers
Image
I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
Joan Rivers
Image
My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
Image
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
Image
[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers
Image
The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
Joan Rivers
Image
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
Image
I’m never without a bandage.
Joan Rivers
Image
I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
Joan Rivers
Image
you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
Joan Rivers
Image
My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
Joan Rivers
Image
My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
Joan Rivers
Image
I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
Joan Rivers
Image
But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
Joan Rivers
Image
Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan Rivers
Image
I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
Joan Rivers
Image
Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
Joan Rivers