Quote

Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Red
Dresses
Elizabeth
London
Taylor
Whenever
Passengers
Went
Board
Trying
Boards
Would
Fats
Dress

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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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