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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Husband
Humor
Funny
Stocked
Trout
More quotes by Joan Rivers
keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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Never floss a stranger.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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