Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Humor
Funny
Stocked
Trout
Husband
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Joan Rivers
It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
Joan Rivers
What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
Joan Rivers
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
Having a baby can be a scream.
Joan Rivers
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
Joan Rivers
I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
Joan Rivers
I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
Joan Rivers
You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
Joan Rivers
I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
Joan Rivers
I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
Joan Rivers
The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
Joan Rivers
After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
I’m never without a bandage.
Joan Rivers
I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
Joan Rivers
I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
Joan Rivers
My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
Joan Rivers
Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
Joan Rivers
