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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Stocked
Trout
Husband
Humor
Funny
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I hate reality shows that are not reality.
Joan Rivers
I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
Joan Rivers
Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
Joan Rivers
I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
Joan Rivers
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
Joan Rivers
No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
Joan Rivers
I’m never without a bandage.
Joan Rivers
you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
Joan Rivers
You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
Joan Rivers
I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
Joan Rivers
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
Joan Rivers
I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
Joan Rivers
Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
Joan Rivers
I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
Joan Rivers
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
Joan Rivers
