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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Humor
Learned
Ever
Done
Regrets
Jokes
Regret
Absolutely
Fame
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
Joan Rivers
I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Joan Rivers
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
Joan Rivers
The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
Joan Rivers
Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
Joan Rivers
I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
Joan Rivers
Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
Joan Rivers
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers
If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
Joan Rivers
The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
Joan Rivers
[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers
If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
Joan Rivers
I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
Joan Rivers
A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
Joan Rivers
I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
Joan Rivers
Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
Joan Rivers
I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
Joan Rivers