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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Fame
Humor
Learned
Ever
Done
Regrets
Jokes
Regret
Absolutely

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Joan Rivers
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
Joan Rivers
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
Joan Rivers
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
Joan Rivers
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
Joan Rivers
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
Joan Rivers
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
Joan Rivers
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
Joan Rivers
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
Joan Rivers
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
Joan Rivers
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
Joan Rivers
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
Joan Rivers
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
Joan Rivers
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
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I was my own buddy in camp.
Joan Rivers
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
Joan Rivers
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
Joan Rivers
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
Joan Rivers