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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Room
Rooms
Born
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More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Joan Rivers
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
Joan Rivers
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
Joan Rivers
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
Joan Rivers
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
Joan Rivers
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
Joan Rivers
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
Joan Rivers
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
Joan Rivers