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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Years
Watches
Watch
Team
Special
Emmys
Beauty
Nominated
Year
Makeup
Best
Definitely
Going
Effects

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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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Never floss a stranger.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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