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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Beauty
Nominated
Year
Makeup
Best
Definitely
Going
Effects
Years
Watches
Watch
Team
Special
Emmys

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
Joan Rivers
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
Joan Rivers
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
Joan Rivers
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
Joan Rivers
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Joan Rivers
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
Joan Rivers
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
Joan Rivers
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
Joan Rivers
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
Joan Rivers
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
Joan Rivers
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
Joan Rivers
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
Joan Rivers
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Joan Rivers
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
Joan Rivers
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
Joan Rivers
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
Joan Rivers