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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Anyone
Happy
Funny
Think
Thinking
Life
Perfectly
Particularly

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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Can we talk?
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
Joan Rivers
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
Joan Rivers
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
Joan Rivers
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
Joan Rivers