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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Name
Names
Call
Funny
Making
Love
Wake
Husband

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
Joan Rivers
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
Joan Rivers
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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Can we talk?
Joan Rivers
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
Joan Rivers
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
Joan Rivers
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
Joan Rivers