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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Hotel
Stealing
Road
Fun
Working
Ark
Means
Towels
Mean
Hotels
Long
Memorable
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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