Quote

The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Fun
Working
Ark
Means
Towels
Mean
Hotels
Long
Memorable
Hotel
Stealing
Road

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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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