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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Write
Planning
Hears
Firsts
Series
Heroin
Druggies
Book
Drug
Sarcastic
Announcing
First
Plans
Brand
Announcements
Children
Laughing
Memorable
Russell
Writing
Humor
Brands
Humorists
Books
Comedian
Announced
Funny
Humorous
Dealer

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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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