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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Writing
Humor
Brands
Humorists
Books
Comedian
Announced
Funny
Humorous
Dealer
Write
Planning
Hears
Druggies
Firsts
Series
Heroin
Announcing
Book
Drug
Sarcastic
Announcements
First
Plans
Brand
Children
Laughing
Memorable
Russell
More quotes by Joan Rivers
A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
Joan Rivers
I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
Joan Rivers
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers
Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
Joan Rivers
Having a baby can be a scream.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
Joan Rivers
I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
Joan Rivers
old age' is always ten years more than we are.
Joan Rivers
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
Joan Rivers
I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Joan Rivers
Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers
