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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
True
Gonna
Would
Plan
Love
Plans
Life
Actor
Like
Serious
Acting
Streep
Actors
Memorable
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Rivers
More quotes by Joan Rivers
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
Joan Rivers
Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
Joan Rivers
Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
Joan Rivers
If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
Joan Rivers
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
Joan Rivers
My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
Joan Rivers
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
Joan Rivers
Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
Joan Rivers
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
Joan Rivers
The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers
Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
Joan Rivers
I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
Joan Rivers
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
Joan Rivers
All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
Joan Rivers
My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
Joan Rivers
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
Joan Rivers
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
Joan Rivers
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
Joan Rivers