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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Acting
Streep
Actors
Memorable
Next
Rivers
True
Gonna
Would
Plan
Love
Plans
Life
Actor
Like
Serious

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Better laid than never.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
Joan Rivers