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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Life
Actor
Like
Serious
Acting
Streep
Actors
Memorable
Next
Rivers
True
Gonna
Would
Plan
Love
Plans

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
Joan Rivers
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
Joan Rivers
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Joan Rivers
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Never floss a stranger.
Joan Rivers
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
Joan Rivers
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
Joan Rivers
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
Joan Rivers
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
Joan Rivers
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
Joan Rivers
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
Joan Rivers
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
Joan Rivers
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
Joan Rivers
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
Joan Rivers
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Joan Rivers
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
Joan Rivers
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
Joan Rivers
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
Joan Rivers