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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Uniforms
Children
Memorable
Attractive
Child
Girl
Scouts
Tent
Use
Tents
Didn
Uniform
Used

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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