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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Child
Girl
Scouts
Use
Tent
Didn
Tents
Used
Uniform
Children
Uniforms
Memorable
Attractive

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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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