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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Child
Girl
Scouts
Use
Tent
Didn
Tents
Used
Uniform
Children
Uniforms
Memorable
Attractive

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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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