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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Use
Tent
Didn
Tents
Used
Uniform
Children
Uniforms
Memorable
Attractive
Child
Girl
Scouts

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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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