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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Laughing
Life
Memorable
Beloved
Laugh
Tough

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
Joan Rivers
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
Joan Rivers
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
Joan Rivers