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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Laugh
Tough
Laughing
Life
Memorable
Beloved
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
Joan Rivers
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers
Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
Joan Rivers
My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
Can we talk?
Joan Rivers
keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
Joan Rivers
On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
Joan Rivers
I’m never without a bandage.
Joan Rivers
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
Joan Rivers
I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
Joan Rivers
you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
Joan Rivers
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
Joan Rivers
Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
Joan Rivers
I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
Joan Rivers
I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
Joan Rivers
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
Joan Rivers
