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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Make
Surgeon
Like
Surgeons
Surgery
Plastic
Gave
Asked
Went
Lobotomy
Woman
Derek

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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
Joan Rivers
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
Joan Rivers
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
Joan Rivers