Quote

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.

Joan Rivers

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Went
Lobotomy
Woman
Derek
Make
Surgeon
Like
Surgeons
Surgery
Plastic
Gave
Asked

More quotes by Joan Rivers

Image
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
Image
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
Joan Rivers
Image
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
Joan Rivers
Image
Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
Joan Rivers
Image
I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
Joan Rivers
Image
I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
Joan Rivers
Image
They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
Joan Rivers
Image
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
Joan Rivers
Image
After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
Image
I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
Joan Rivers
Image
I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
Joan Rivers
Image
I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
Joan Rivers
Image
Better laid than never.
Joan Rivers
Image
You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
Joan Rivers
Image
Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
Joan Rivers
Image
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
Image
Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
Joan Rivers
Image
Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
Joan Rivers
Image
With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
Joan Rivers
Image
If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
Joan Rivers