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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Make
Surgeon
Like
Surgeons
Surgery
Plastic
Gave
Asked
Went
Lobotomy
Woman
Derek

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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
Joan Rivers