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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Plastic
Gave
Asked
Went
Lobotomy
Woman
Derek
Make
Surgeon
Like
Surgeons
Surgery

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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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Never floss a stranger.
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Can we talk?
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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