Quote

Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

Joan Rivers

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Money
Yacht
Hilarious
Sailing
Surgery
Plastic
Misery
Pay
Happiness

More quotes by Joan Rivers

Image
I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
Joan Rivers
Image
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers
Image
Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
Joan Rivers
Image
Having a baby can be a scream.
Joan Rivers
Image
Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers
Image
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
Image
They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
Joan Rivers
Image
Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
Joan Rivers
Image
I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
Joan Rivers
Image
you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
Joan Rivers
Image
I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Joan Rivers
Image
Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
Joan Rivers
Image
[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers
Image
In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
Joan Rivers
Image
But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
Joan Rivers
Image
Self-pity shortens your life.
Joan Rivers
Image
I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
Joan Rivers
Image
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
Image
I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
Joan Rivers
Image
Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
Joan Rivers