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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Misery
Pay
Happiness
Yacht
Money
Hilarious
Sailing
Surgery
Plastic
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
Joan Rivers
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
Joan Rivers
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
Joan Rivers
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
Joan Rivers
Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers
I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
Joan Rivers
Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
Joan Rivers
When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
Joan Rivers
There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
Joan Rivers
I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
Joan Rivers
Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
Joan Rivers
I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
Joan Rivers
I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
Joan Rivers
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
Joan Rivers
The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
Joan Rivers
I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
Joan Rivers
I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
Joan Rivers
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
Joan Rivers
