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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Times
Tucked
Inns
Holiday
Fashion
Face
Faces
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
Joan Rivers
