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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Holiday
Fashion
Face
Faces
Times
Tucked
Inns

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
Joan Rivers
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
Joan Rivers
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
Joan Rivers
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
Joan Rivers