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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Faces
Times
Tucked
Inns
Holiday
Fashion
Face
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
Joan Rivers
