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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Nightgown
Sheer
Memorable
Sexy
Fashion
Anyone
Getting

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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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