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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Nightgown
Sheer
Memorable
Sexy
Fashion
Anyone
Getting
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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Better laid than never.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
Joan Rivers
I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
Joan Rivers
