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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Anyone
Getting
Nightgown
Sheer
Memorable
Sexy
Fashion
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
Joan Rivers
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers
Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
Joan Rivers
I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
Joan Rivers
Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
Joan Rivers
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Joan Rivers
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
Joan Rivers
Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
Joan Rivers
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
Joan Rivers
You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
Joan Rivers
I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
Joan Rivers
The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers
There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
Joan Rivers
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
I love the way my life has fallen into place.
Joan Rivers
