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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Squandered
Grandson
Fund
Mad
College
Fashion
Going
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
Joan Rivers
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
Joan Rivers
Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
Joan Rivers
Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
Joan Rivers
Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
Joan Rivers
Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
Joan Rivers
Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
Joan Rivers
Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
Joan Rivers
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
Joan Rivers
Self-pity shortens your life.
Joan Rivers
I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
Joan Rivers
Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
Joan Rivers
Better laid than never.
Joan Rivers
The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
Joan Rivers
Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
Joan Rivers
Can we talk?
Joan Rivers