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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Going
Squandered
Grandson
Fund
Mad
College
Fashion
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
Joan Rivers