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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Really
Time
Melissa
Adopted
Sat
Cried
Daughter
Told
Mother

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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Joan Rivers