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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Like
Motherhood
Hated
Died
Birth
Parents
Parent
Heard
Cousin
Ever
Parenting

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
Joan Rivers
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
Joan Rivers
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Joan Rivers
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
Joan Rivers
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Joan Rivers
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
Joan Rivers
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
Joan Rivers
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
Joan Rivers
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
Joan Rivers
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
Joan Rivers