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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Watching
Stroller
Childhood
Strollers
Parents
Loosen
Memories
Earliest
Parent
Parenting
Motherhood
Wheels
Memory

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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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Never floss a stranger.
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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