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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Childhood
Strollers
Parents
Loosen
Memories
Earliest
Parent
Parenting
Motherhood
Wheels
Memory
Watching
Stroller

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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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