Quote

Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Husband
Laughing
Hooker
Wife
Delicious
Woman
Cook
Makes
Cake
Memorable
Cooks
Aging

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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Can we talk?
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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