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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Years
Dog
Says
Study
Makes
Menopause
Two
Owning
Thought
Rescue
Firsts
Aging
First
Younger
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
Joan Rivers
My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
Joan Rivers
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
Joan Rivers
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
Joan Rivers
I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
Joan Rivers
What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
Joan Rivers
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers