Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
Joan Rivers
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Tell
Memorable
Best
Joke
Might
Comedian
Must
Admit
Never
Aging
Nervous
Jokes
Alzheimer
Getting
Hits
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
Joan Rivers
Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
Joan Rivers
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers
A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
Joan Rivers
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
Joan Rivers
Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
Joan Rivers
I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
Joan Rivers
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
Joan Rivers
My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
Joan Rivers
I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
Joan Rivers
Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
Joan Rivers
old age' is always ten years more than we are.
Joan Rivers
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
Joan Rivers
Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
Joan Rivers
