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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Tell
Memorable
Best
Joke
Might
Comedian
Must
Admit
Never
Aging
Nervous
Jokes
Alzheimer
Getting
Hits

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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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