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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Getting
Hits
Tell
Memorable
Best
Joke
Might
Comedian
Must
Admit
Never
Aging
Nervous
Jokes
Alzheimer

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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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