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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Chicken
Chickens
Cook
Cooks
Aging
Lemon
Life
Lemons
Spray
Pledge

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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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