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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Chicken
Chickens
Cook
Cooks
Aging
Lemon
Life
Lemons
Spray
Pledge

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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I’m never without a bandage.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
Joan Rivers
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
Joan Rivers
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Joan Rivers
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
Joan Rivers
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
Joan Rivers