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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Mountain
Age
Overcome
Aging
Overcoming
More quotes by Joan Rivers
It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
Joan Rivers
Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
Joan Rivers
I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
Joan Rivers
I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
Joan Rivers
Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
Joan Rivers
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers
Two is company three is fifty bucks.
Joan Rivers
I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
Joan Rivers
I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
Joan Rivers
Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
Joan Rivers
I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
Joan Rivers
I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
Joan Rivers
Having a baby can be a scream.
Joan Rivers
[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers
You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
Joan Rivers
Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan Rivers
