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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Dating
Mom
Mother
Transvestite
Transvestites
Wardrobe
Double
Marry

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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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