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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Dating
Mom
Mother
Transvestite
Transvestites
Wardrobe
Double
Marry

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
Joan Rivers