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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Transvestites
Wardrobe
Double
Marry
Dating
Mom
Mother
Transvestite
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
Joan Rivers
