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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Transvestite
Transvestites
Wardrobe
Double
Marry
Dating
Mom
Mother
More quotes by Joan Rivers
keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
Joan Rivers
There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
Joan Rivers
old age' is always ten years more than we are.
Joan Rivers
